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Emotional Sobriety – Chapter 1

Earlier today I wrote a letter to a woman whose name I won’t mention in the spirit of Anonymity.

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I’ve always loved to draw and write letters and I try to use it for professional reasons as much as I can, but over time I’ve realized that professional relationships are built on top of personal relationships. I tried to blog about business but I couldn’t find enough interest, but after writing a few letters I realized that I frankly just wasn’t interested in business the way I was interested in my own personal development.

It became important to me to illustrate the kind of person I am, the kind of person I was, and what changed over the course of my recovery. I am both an addict and an alcoholic. My diseases have manifested into strange behaviors, legal issues, and overall just living a lie for the majority of my adult life. Then I got sober. Then I got clean. And I say both of them separately because while alcohol is a drug, and I have had problems with drugs other than alcohol, alcohol has continuously been the biggest problem in my life, stunting my career and personal development.

Asking for Help

During my military service I had a brief moment of honesty: I called for help after realizing that I had a genuine problem with alcohol. I was actually in a really good place, which is why the compulsion to drink was so horrifying. Even today, I look back at that moment as the singular moment that saved my life, and I’m grateful that while my command at the time did not support my recovery, there were a few Marines who saw the bigger picture.

My approach to dating is similar. I realized that not only can I not do it alone, but I generally have no desire to do so. But I need to ask the right people for help.

My life currently revolves around my religion and my recovery, with the latter being a prerequisite for the former. I have to stay clean/sober in order to properly practice Islam. Overall, my life has completely done a 180 degree turn. Rather than my priorities being work, religious service, and then recovery— my priorities are recovery, religious service, and then work.

Priorities

Recovery is the single most important thing, and it’s the foundation on which all other aspects of my life are built. My recovery is being aware of my documented alcoholism and my undocumented addiction. It’s all about the “Big Books”, which include the Big Book known as Alcoholics Anonymous, the Basic Text known as Narcotics Anonymous, and the Scriptures of the various religious organizations which I happen to be a part of.

What all of that means is that I can either meet women in recovery, meet women in the context of Islam (since you don’t actually meet them at prayer) or otherwise meet them during the course of work. The best option will likely be to meet a woman in recovery (or work) who keeps an open enough mind to Islam, and then see where things go.

Big Books

The reality of the situation is that any woman I marry is going to have to know about all three aspects of my life:

• Recovery / 12 Step Meetings
• Religion / Islam
• Relationships / Insurance

A major takeaway of this story is how important it is to create a “textbook” for my insurance business, ideally covering advertising, marketing, sales, administration, and leadership. The secret to creating this textbook however, is not to leverage the established text to build a relationship, only offering commentary, also known as my experience, strength, and hope.

Every now and then I’ll share from supplemental materials such as the AA/NA literature, the Hadith, or the recruiting side of the business as opposed to the product side, but the main focus is going to be on the literature and the core products and services offered by my FMO.

Medical Bills, Independence, Legacy, and Outliving your Money are the core issues that we will address and speak on. Naturally, these subjects will be discussed in the context of personal, spiritual, and professional development.