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Blood Money – Chapter 2

Earlier today I attended a meeting where someone asked the group “what happiness was” and it immediately made me think of the moment this picture was taken. One of the few times I genuinely cried tears of joy in the presence of other people.

A Nightmare

Last night I had a nightmare where I was in a car accident. It was a replay of an accident I was in earlier this year. No one was hurt, but the accident was a turning point in my life, as is this unfortunate dream; because I don’t need divination to understand what it means, although I will pray on it later today.

Recently I finished a course on Islamic marriage, which partly was the foundation of the Third Pillar of this story, which is the first pillar in terms of importance. For thematic reasons, it was published after the first two, since successful application of the third pillar requires the construction of the first two.

Beginners Guide to an Islamic Marriage

To summarize the 10 steps to the perfect Islamic marriage, they are as follows:

1. Verbal Agreement to marry
2. Formal Engagement
3. Approval of the bride’s guardian
4. Discussion of the bride’s dowry
5. Two or more male witnesses
6. Written Agreement to marry (signed)
7. Marriage Ceremony
8. Wedding Reception
9. Civil Ceremony
10. Married Life

Prior to step 1, the couple should naturally discuss marriage, covering the following topics:

1. What they individually will do for work, and what social events they will attend together
2. Where they plan to live, and how they will split responsibilities in the household
3. How they will raise their children, and how they will be buried

All other subjects are minor compared to the above three, and in my opinion are a complete waste of time, the same way I feel that a man having hobbies outside of the following are also a waste of time:

1. Physical and Combat Training
2. Driving and Automobile Maintenance
3. Loving your Spouse, Pursuing your Spouse, or engaging in behaviors that would naturally attract your spouse.

Naturally, prayer, education or study, your chosen profession, and self care are a great use of your time, but I wouldn’t consider them hobbies (or voluntary) as much as I would consider them obligatory.

Most jobs don’t require you to fight. Most jobs don’t require you to drive your own vehicle around. It’s perfectly possible for some people to live a happy life without a spouse; but my way of life demands a spouse, but only after becoming a man worthy of said spouse.

Being a better Muslim

Prior to finishing the course on marriage, I finished a course meant for New Muslims. I had already known a lot of the content in the course, but I also learned a lot. The biggest things were the daily, weekly, annual, and lifetime structure of a Muslim’s life.

We are all innately born Muslim.

We are born with an innate understanding of God, of the Seen and the Unseen.

Surah Ar-Rum (30:30) states: So be steadfast in faith in all uprightness [O Prophet] — the natural Way of God which He instilled in [all] people. Let there be no change in this creation of God. That is the Straight Way, but most people do not know.

Additionally;

Surah Ar-Rum (30:21) states: And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.

The woman a man marries is either a reward, or a punishment for his actions.

Recently, one of my teachers, recommended me to read Al-Isra, sending me a video that detailed the story.

Surah Al-Isra (17:31) states: Do not kill your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Surely killing them is a heinous sin.

Prior to my Shahada, I’ve had some experience with women, but it was largely based off ignorance and my upbringing as an orphan. It took me awhile to even come to terms with the fact that I was an orphan; it made me feel like I had “less to offer”, not understanding the trauma of being raised in the foster care system.

Foster care is a temporary, court-monitored system where a minor lives with licensed caregivers, relatives, or in a facility because their biological parents cannot safely care for them. Children are placed in private foster homes, with relatives (if possible), or in group homes through a government or social service agency. Children enter the system due to abuse, neglect, parental illness, substance abuse, or incarceration. This is how both my mother and I were raised.

The difference between my mother and I is that my mother was an immigrant while I was born here, My mother actually had a relationship with both of her parents, eventually being reunified.

The main goals of foster care are to provide a secure and stable environment for the child, work to safely reunite the child with their biological family whenever possible, or to find alternative permanent plans—such as adoption or legal guardianship—if reunification fails.

Surah Al-Ahzab (33:4) states: God does not place two hearts in any person’s chest. Nor does He regard your wives as unlawful for you like your real mothers, [even] if you say they are. Nor does He regard your adopted children as your real children. These are only your baseless assertions. But God declares the truth, and He [alone] guides to the [Right] Way.

Additionally;

Surah Al-Ahzab (33:5) states: Let your adopted children keep their family names. That is more just in the sight of God. But if you do not know their fathers, then they are [simply] your believers and close associates. There is no blame on you for what you do by mistake, but [only] for what you do intentionally. And God is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

National research has found that nearly three in ten young people with foster-care histories had experienced homelessness by age 21.

Why foster youth can be particularly vulnerable

Research identifies several factors associated with homelessness after foster care, including:

• leaving foster care without a permanent family connection;
• unstable placement histories;
• running away;
• incarceration;
• substance-use problems;
• emotional/behavioral difficulties;
• lack of employment;
• lack of education or vocational preparation;
• insufficient social support.

Conversely, having a supportive adult relationship, remaining in foster care longer when appropriate, completing high school, being enrolled in school, and having full-time employment have been associated with better housing outcomes.

Housing is one of the primary responsibilities of the Husband in Islam.

The average rent for a 1-bedroom apartment in Tampa, FL ranges from $1,470 to $1,746 per month, with a general average of $1,647 per month according to Apartments.com. The Islamic Society of Tampa Bay is where I took my Shahada, and overall is a really nice mosque. My current office is also in Tampa, as well as some marriage prospects, but if possible I’d rather live somewhere else.

The average 1-bedroom rent in New Port Richey is $1,295 per month, which is apparently down 1% from last year, making it a bit more affordable than Tampa. Also, I like it here. I regularly go to the Islamic Center of New Port Richey and I have a lot of (sober) friends out here. It would be really nice if I can stay out here, but that would require either meeting someone new out here or having a long-distance relationship for the time being.

The average rent for a 1-bedroom apartment in Greensburg, Indiana ranges from $748 per month, also according to Apartments.com. The closest mosque is in Columbus, Ohio however. The average rent for a 1-bedroom apartment in Columbus, Indiana ranges from $980 to $1,225 per month, depending on the rental data source. The only real downside is that my insurance license is in Florida, so the prospect of moving here is at least 3-4 years out. By that time, inflation will likely increase the cost of living.

The place I live long term is simply going to be based upon the same three things that will determine whom I ultimately get engaged and married too next:

1. Where she works, where I want to work
2. Where her family lives, where she goes to pray/worship
3. Where we will raise our kids, where we will be buried

It generally costs about $400-$800 a month to maintain a woman. They all require food, clothing, and entertainment in addition to their physical (aka sexual) needs and their emotional needs.

The biggest thing is that they require leadership.

Many of the [younger] brothers in my communities tend to complain about the sisters in our communities, without understanding the nature of women, their role in the household as men, and the importance of being the example while providing directions.